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Location: People >> CS For All Ages >> 50s+ Travellers
HUMOUR II
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Posted February 1st, 2013 - 2:05 am by  from Clarington, Canada (Permalink)A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar then relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
Posted February 1st, 2013 - 3:01 am by  from Daylesford, Australia (Permalink)a uni lecturer asked her students to describe in a page or less the difference between ignorance and apathy. she awarded an a+ to the student who replied: 'i don't know and i don't care'. and another one: a new teacher had taken over the class and she was very pretty. 'how old do you reckon she is?' said young bruce. 'dunno. but if we can get her knickers off, we'll know' replied his matey. 'how come?' 'well, on the back of mine it says eight to ten years'. :>)
Posted February 1st, 2013 - 3:06 am by from Clarington, Canada (Permalink)ok, here goes the "blonde jokes"...sorry lol An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1.The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2.The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3.I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4.The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5.The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. "Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
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Posted February 1st, 2013 - 3:08 am by from Clarington, Canada (Permalink)This post has been removed by the user.
Posted February 1st, 2013 - 3:19 am by from Daylesford, Australia (Permalink)why are blonde jokes usually one-liners? so guys can remember them....
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Posted February 2nd, 2013 - 1:56 am by from Daylesford, Australia (Permalink)seeing my jokes are so popular: 'how come your marriage has lasted 50 years?' 'simple. we decided, from the beginning, that she'd make all the little decisions and i'd decide the major issues.' 'such as?' 'well, she decided where i'd work, where we'd live, what schools the kids would go to. and i made the major decisions. like what to do about the ozone hole, the balkans,and sanctions in south africa.' :>)
Posted February 2nd, 2013 - 2:19 am by  from Langley, United States (Permalink)LOL, Roo!!! Cherie
Posted February 2nd, 2013 - 2:39 am by from Clarington, Canada (Permalink)LOL George....I'm a dyed brunette!
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Posted February 16th, 2013 - 3:19 pm by  from Hannover, Germany (Permalink):-) great jokes!
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Posted March 21st, 2013 - 6:19 pm by  from Camden, United States (Permalink)Discussing Continously Variable Transmissions (CVT) in this case, in a Ford Escort: " we have add no transmission problems with this car ever in the 7 years we have owned it. The car is "sluggish" though. If you stomp on the gas pedal, the car goes "Vrooommm!", but I think that Ford connected the gas pedal to the radio or something to make it do that. The sound is definitely not coming from the engine. |